Chakotay's Angst
by bina W
Summary: Chakotay's in a predicament. Torn between 2 women. It is not every boy's dream. There is no way for everyone to be happy. But what happens when the trust is gone?
1. Chapter 1

Chakotay's Angst Chapter 1

Chakotay's Angst Chapter 1

Author: Bina

Disclaimer: I will never own Star Trek. This is just for fun.

A drabble in Chakotay's mind. He is haunted and feeling very tortured…

Thoughts on Janeway…

What shall I do? She gives the ultimate sacrifice to get us home. She is the poster child for Starfleet. The crew all look up to her. She is the strongest female I know. I wish I could be like her. As I lay here, I see blonde. What I see and what my heart sees are two very different things. How could she have forgotten about me? I cannot hide my feelings from myself. It will eventually destroy me. It will ruin things between Seven and me. I cannot choose, but I must… I'm in agony.

Chapter 2

_**Chakotay's Angst Chapter 2**_

By Bina

Disclaimer: I will never own Star Trek. I just borrow it.

(Words in Italics are the people thinking to themselves.)

"We will have to start another patch of earth for tomatoes Kathryn." She nods but is not looking at me. _I wonder what she is thinking about, but I am almost scared to ask. Scared I think in disbelief!? Where did that thought come from? She is the strongest woman I know. What could I possibly have to want to hide from her.?_

I _wonder what she will say to that. But I guess I will never know will I?_

She opens her mouth to reply, but the only sound I hear is Tuvok's voice, saying "Voyager to Janeway…" As I look her in the eyes, my heart sinks with despair and anguish. As she opens up the communicator and responds, she looks at me. But it is like she is looking through me and not at me. I nod once and look quickly at her, square in her blue eyes. I look away, but not soon enough. For I see her nod once at me, with understanding. I reach out to hold her hand, but she is too distracted by Tuvok's words and the sound of Tom cheering and the senior crew clapping and whistling to see.

It is at that point I see darkness. I am momentarily confused, thinking we are in the middle of transport. But I realize that I do not feel the familiar tingling feeling of the transporter. But it is still dark and I can hear my heart beat and the breathing of another. I close my eyes shot again, but not for the desire to sleep. I have been having dreams about New Earth more recently. They keep coming back even since Seven and I have been dating for a while now. Seven asks; "Chakotay, are you alright?" I pretend to ignore her but she is not so easily fooled. This cannot go on this way…

Disclaimer: Trek was and will never be mine.

Note: Words in Italics means the person (s) is thinking to himself, herself.

Chakotay's Angst

Part 3

"Chakotay?" _I hear her say my name again, but I do not want to answer for fear of hurting her. I am torn and at a loss what to do. We are alone out here and who know how long it will be be4 we get home. It is not a matter of if but when. She, the Captain is the strongest person I know. Her intelligence and determination will get us through. No doubts there. But at what cost? Her happiness…? Our happiness. Wait a minute! When did her happiness turn into our happiness? _Commander, are you malfunctioning?" _I try not to laugh bitterly. How so like a computer she sounds. And here I am lying next to her._ When I finally do turn to look at her, I try not to stare her down. She sure is a looker. "I am fine, I reply. _I am annoyed that she is interrupting my train of thoughts. If she is a computer, despite her looks, I do want to think what that makes me. She turns over and soon I hear snoring and I cannot resist flinching when she puts a arm around me. I have got to do something. I do not want to cause trouble but I have to talk to someone about this. But who on the ship? I have got to find someone who can ask prying questions to Katherine, without blowing my cover. I gently remove her arm and go take a shower and put get dressed. Neelix? Tom? I am not sure who would be the better actor_

Disclaimer; Trek will never be mine nor do I entertain any delusions that it ever shall be.

Bina W.

Chakotay's Angst Part 4

NOTE: Words in italics means the person(s) is talking to him/herself.

Part 4.

The ready room had been a comfort for her for the last 5 years of their journey. It was a place where she could think, relax, and put things in perspective. She had lost count early on of how many cups of coffee she HAD drinken. She suppressed a chuckle at that. She knew her duty, to get her crew home to the Alpha Quadrant. Thank God for Starfleet, my lifeline. Thank the gods also for coffee. "_Gods" Now where did that stray thought come from? She always prided herself on being the scientist. Maybe the two were not mutually exclusive. If God or gods did exist, someone or ones had a peculiar sense of humor stranding her crew and her in the Delta Quadrant. Not only that, but leaving coffee as her only means of escape. My gosh, I am getting odd in my old age. All of 40 years old, not even middle age. I am not even entering menopause. _For a split second she made a mental note to thank the gods if any existed for not making her early menopausal. At least early menopause was not a problem. As she heard a beep at the door, she wondered why she even bothered being grateful that she could still have a child.

"Come in," she said softly.

Voyager's resident Indian entered an unreadable expression plastered on his normally handsome face.

About 2 minutes went by and she took the time to drain the last of the coffee out of her cup, before looking at him. Finally when it was obvious that he was not going to say anything, she spoke. "What can I do for you, Chakotay? But the Indian just stared at her in disbelief but was unable to find his voice. "Captain, how many cups of that sludge have you had today?? Maybe you should think of cutting back on that."

She gave him a credulous look and shook her head. 'Chakotay, this is my addiction. I cannot give it up. I need it like you need your spirit guide." But I do not think you came into my ready room to call on me about my worst vice, now did you." She smiled at him but his response was to narrow his eyes at him.

"What seems to be the problem Chakotay?"

More silence followed as he tried not to shake with rage. But he was not entirely successful. She saw his clenched fists at his side and her eyes went wide.

"What happened?"

_At this he could not take much more. It was their five year anniversary of the last day they had spent on New Earth. He could not get out of his mind that she forgot or did not care. The padd in his left hand made impact with a very satisfying thud on the wall to the upper left of her elbow. Now, the Captain was on her feet, the empty coffee cup long since forgotten on the table. _

"_Commander, you had better explain yourself!"_

_She looked at the padd lying on her feet, the wall where it had impacted and back to her. She bent down to pick it up, but his reflexes were a split second faster then hers. _

"_Give me the pad." She had said it in such a tone that there was no room to interpret as a request. _

"_No." That was the single answer he said, lifting his head in defiance. As she looked at him shocked at his insubordination, he swiftly took a moment to clear the plans on the padd. _

_I have made enough of a fool for her. No use doing it more by letting her see the holodeck program and plans of New Earth._

"_You realize this is subordination, Commander?" She phrased it as a question but her eyes were bright and blue and the anger was very apparent. _

"_What was on that padd?"_

"_Nothing that was important." I tried to keep the bitterness out of my life, but there was 5years of dreams and a broken heart behind it and I failed. _

_Her eyes flashed blue and she said softly; Shall we add lying to a commanding officer to the charge of insubordination Chakotay-?"_

_I laughed harshly and it was not a nice sound. I saw her cringe but the split second of her vulnerability was way short before she composed herself. "Don't you dare call me Chakotay. From now on it is Commander Chakotay to you." The look in my eyes was nothing compared to the look in hers. I admit she was a good actor. No even missing a blink, she added "well then, don't ever call me Katherine. Not even in the ready room." _

"_Agreed, Captain." Now I don't have the time to deal with you right now." I have to look at the trade agreement with the Kelvins, they will be here in half an hour. I expect you to have composed yourself by then. Are you capable of that Commander?"_

_I failed to flinch as she called me by that damned title. But she had a smug look on her face in response to my flinching. _Didn't she know that that every time she uttered that title when it was just the two of us in the ready room how much pain it did?

"Dismissed Commander."

I nodded unable to feel anything and left.

Disclaimer: Star Trek is NOT mine

Bina W.

Chakotay's Angst Part 5

Will the Captain throw her first officer in the brig? Isn't that what a Starfleet Captain would do?

Three hours later a weary Janeway was back in her ready room, with an Indiana size headache there to greet her. The trade talks with the Kelvins had gone well. Tuvok had done a job well done. They wanted several receipts of Neelix's, in exchange the short list of fresh Kelvian vegtables that Neelix had been moaning about needing more of for weeks.

_It was a job well done she thought to herself. Tuvok can be just as good a negotiator as Chakotay, no Commander Chakotay she corrected herself. It served him right. If he acted like the officer she thought he was capable of, then she would not have had to replace him with Tuvok as the negotiator. As she was exiting the ready room, she stifled a smile at the random thought of food being the way to a man's heart. In this case, the way to the Kelvian ambassador's heart. Good idea of the Talaxian. Serving his three course meal during trade talks was a very good idea. Before the ambassador had reached half of Talaxian's version of human chocolate, he was like putty in front of Tuvok. Before she reached her quarters, she made a mental note to bring a peace offering to Commander Chakotay. _Within an hour, she was inhaling the_ fresh scent of brownies. They smelled and looked like the brownies her mother had taught her to bake back home. Now that was the one food item Janeway was not able to muck up._

A short time later, she was ringing the door to the first officer's quarters. On the inside, he heard an annoying buzz repeatedly, but made no move to respond, neither physically or verbally. "_Damn he thought to himself. Even Neelix knows when to take the hint. A good four minutes of silence went by after she stopped buzzing the ringer. I know she is still there._

Finally, she just invited herself in, brownies and all. His mouth watered as he smelled her brownies. Well, this does not change anything he thought. He would not even look at the brownies as she tried to offer them as a peace offering. She sat down on his bed, quietly, not saying anything. When he did look at her, the look in his eyes could have been more effective at cutting a hole in the wall then a phaser.

'What is the matter?" He heard the softness in her voice along with the concern.

"I am not Molly." I can not be bought with food." His words came from the heart and they were hard but honest. Molly was the dog she had been forced to leave behind with Mark when they got pulled to the Delta Quadrant.

She forced back the tears in her eyes and instead made a mental note to not let him ever hurt her again. She got of the bed and approached him. She tried to get him to eat a brownie, but he slapped it out of her hand.

She just stood there unable to move for a full two minutes before she was physically able to react.

Chakotay's Angts part 6

Disclaimer: Star Trek is NOT mine

Bina W.

Chakotay's Angst Part 6

Disclaimer: Trek will NEVER be mine. The muse just likes to have fun.

Chakotay's Angst: 6

Note: If words are in italics, then the person is thinking to him/herself.

Janeway could not seem to physically be able to move. She tried very hard but her legs were asleep. The look in her first officer's eyes was cold and hard. Even space was softer not harsh as the look her beloved had for her. In the midst of this neither one was able to notice the open doorway to Chakotay's quarters. Somehow in his anger, he had managed not only to slap away the offending brownie in Janeway's hand. That he felt. But the second slap as she tried to again offer him brownie just resulted in the plate making a thud against his door, hard enough to open and hit Harry in the shoulder. Her feet were still planted on the ground when Chakotay saw a blonde bombshell just a few steps behind Harry approach.

"I could here screaming noise at the other end of the corridor Captain and Commander. What seems to be the problem? Is the door malfunctioning?"

Before Chakotay or Janeway could move to stop her, she had her hand on her communicator.

"Seven to Torres, Commander Chakotay's door is malfunctioning. Please come when you have a chance." "On my way, was her response."

By the time Torres arrived, Harry had just made up his mind to come into the quarters and was timidly just inside. Torres saw no need for an invitation once she saw the open door and a broken plate and pieces of brownies in the hallway.

"What happened here?" No one volunteered an answer as she looked from one fellow officer to another.

"I had a violent reaction to the Captain's brownies." Torres just looked in disbelief at Seven.

Maybe I was premature in having the doctor remove the implant so I could experience more emotions:"

"You are not a very good liar." "Who threw the brownies? Torres asked again but no one responded. When Seven went to repeat her story one more time, Torres told her if she opened her mouth one more time, she was going to spend the rest of the day in her Borg alcove.

"It is not time for me to regenerate."

Torres rolled her eyes in atypical fashion and said in very clear terms to get lost.

Seven made some comment about Torres needing to regenerate in the brig and left.

By that time, Janeway was back to her old self. She apologized to Harry saying it had been a long day. She took this time to dismiss both the Asian and the half Klingon. She gave them the order not to discuss the events in side the quarters with anyone and then she dismissed them. It was not until the door had closed behind Harry and a verbally objecting Torres, did she dare to speak.

"Commander, if we are going to reach home, I have to be able to count on you. The crew needs you. I need you."

Chakotay shook his head in disbelief. "Always in the right? You have no problem what so ever callin me when I have messed up. But what happens when you mess up? Who has the right to tell you?"

Janeway unconsciously tugged on her uniform top. "Starfleet, you know that."

He laughed again, but this time she was strong enough not to flinch. "Yeah, well incase you have forgotten, we are light years away from Earth."

" I do not need your sarcasm Commander."

"Since when are you interested in what anyone wants? Have you forgotten it was you who stranded us when we could of gotten home?" The look in his eyes was just as sharp as the cut of a phaser hitting her in the stomach. It took all her will not to throw up.

Just at that moment, a bright light came out of nowhere. Q said "Chuckles, I am interested in what you want, even if Madam Captain is not."

" I do not remember inviting you and do not call me Madam Captain."

"Kathy, you are so beautiful when you are being bossy. I bet Chuckles here never told you that."

"Get out." Q, however was busy looking at the pieces of brownies and shattered plate in the hallway with interest. He did not see the dangerous glint in her eyes. Ignoring her he asked if he could try her brownies before he left.

Impatiently, she nodded. "These are so good." Q looked past Janway and told him he was a lucky man. A woman who was beautiful and made brownies to die for are a lethal combination. Janeway, if you ever give up your ridiculous dream of going home, call me." With that Q was gone in a bright flash.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine. Nor shall it ever be in the future.

Story: Chakotay's Angst: Part 2

A Fight

By Bina W.

Tom turned around as a very pregnant Blanna stormed into their quarters. The half Klingon looked like she was ready to kill someone. He made a comment about it not being healthy to get so excited. She gave him a look and said she knew.

"So who is it that you want to kill this time? Did our resident Borg forget her social skills again?"

Blanna snorted and made a not so nice remark about Seven not having any social skills to begin with.

"Not our blonde Borg bombshell." At that comment, Tom's eyes got wide. He could see the hesitation in her eyes. When it was apparent that a response was not forthcoming, he probed a little more.

"Is this something we can have a betting pool in?" She knew this was Tom's way of joking and blowing off steam to hide his concern. "I could use the extra rations. If I have to endure Neelix's idea of Human chocolate, I am going to gag." He made a convincing gagging sound, as Blanna rolled her eyes and playfully hit him on the butt. His reaction was to smirk and reach for her. She however had a smug look in her eyes and pointed to the abdomen. He feigned a hurt look and snapped his fingers.

"The baby will be only one more month and then…" She never got to finish her sentence due to Tom's expression. "Then you are all mine!" Blanna shook her head and reminded him that a few weeks after the pregnancy more would be needed." Tom had a smirk as he said "well, a boy can dream."

She whispered a comment in his ear about making up for lost time.

"So what did Neelix try to experiment again?" She shook her head and Tom began to become concerned.

"The Commander and Captain had a fight in his quarters." She then explained the scene she had witnessed with Seven and Harry. Her husband's eyes got wider and wider and his body language indicated extreme concern.

"We have to do something." Blanna shook her head emphatically. But all she got instead was Tom trying to brush past her. She blocked the door their quarters. "I am serious Blanna." "As am I was her response. This is something they have to work out by themselves."

She could see that Tom was not going to go for that. "What is it with you human females?" Why do you always have something to prove?" As soon as he said it, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

Blanna got a defiant look to face and got a feral look in her eyes. He could see that her Klingon side had overtaken her Human side, the side she favored. "Just what is that supposed to mean?" Tom mentioned the baby but she cut him off.

"Answer my question, Lt."

But he did not fall for her intended distraction. He knew he had to plow on. He tried once again to go around his wife. But she still was having none of that.

"What part of No do you not understand?" He knew that being pregnant and half Klingon was a combination not easily to be reckoned with. Still he had a mission to complete. "Stand aside." She made no movement.

"We have to do something. We owe her." This time Tom was the emphatic one.

Again all he got was a shake of her head. "We have to let them work this out. We have to do what is right for the ship. You know that is paramount for the Captain."

"What and Chakotay is chopped suey?" He was rewarded with a glare from his wife.

"Tom, I know you are nervous and so am I. Usually it is me who has to watch my emotions, but this time it is you."

He reminded her of the circumstances it took for her to admit her feelings for him.

"The Captain cannot become distracted. She does not have that luxury." Blanna was the one who was calm and reasonable. Why could he not see the light?

"Yeah, well isn't that for her to choose? Tom folded his arms together and frowned.

"We forced that choice on her when we joined the Maquis"

There was a pregnant pause before Tom could find his voice. "They took our homes, what were we supposed to do? Just march off the planet and say adios to the Cardassians?"

Blanna could hardly believe what she was hearing. We are past that."

Tom glared at her. "How could you forget so quickly?" So I guess being the chief engineer makes it okay, just like that?" He could hear himself raising his voice, but he did not care.

She glared at him and looked like she wanted to brake something. She loved her husband but wanted to vent her steam. She looked around for something to throw against the wall, as opposed at her lovely husband.

"If it was not for the Captain, you would still be in that cell." This time it was her turn to get yelled at. Should I have Tuvok escort you to the brig for a few hours so you can be reminded?"

Tom shook his head. "I'm leaving before this gets any worse. This is not good for the baby."

She had an ashamed look on her face and looked at her swollen abdomen. But before she had the chance to apologize, he had already gone around her and was out the door. He just ignored her calling his name and disappeared around the corridor.

Blanna went back inside their quarters and fell asleep back on the bed. Her last thought was saying that the Captain had to make her own choices and the crew should only give personal advice when asked for it. "Things just have work out for them, they just have two." Before doubt could materialize in her mind, she was snoring on the bed.


	3. Chapter 3 Seven Gets a Lesson

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine. Nor shall it ever be in the future.

By Bina W.

Chakotay's Angst: PART 3

There are two parts to this story.

**Part A: Seven Gets A Lesson Part B: Harry Gets a Lesson**

By Bina W.

Harry watched the expression on his captain's face as she dismissed Seven and him. Chakotay, not wanting show division in the ranks nodded in agreement to the Captain. Blanna stormed out of the 1st officer's quarters, like a girl on a mission. She knew she had a mission, she just wished she could do something about it. But there was doubt in her mind as she was about to enter her quarters. If one could interfer in the mission, it ceased to exist right?

Apparently his exit was not fast enough, at least not for Seven. The ex Borg noticed his slight hesitation after the door completely closed. She took it upon herself to grap his arm and herd him in the direction of his quarters. Normally, Harry would be overjoyed at the prospect and reality of physical contact with Seven of Nine. But today was not that day. He was much too worried. He let Seven push him into his quarters.

Before he could protest, she spoke up. "You heard the Captain and Commander dismissing us. Did you think you were exempt, Ensign?"

"Of course not." He somehow managed not to blush in front of her at being reprimanded.

"Then why did you disobey?" She raised a blonde eyebrow at him.

"I just want them to be happy? Is that so wrong?"

Seven stared at him, bewildered. "It is not our place. How have you not learned that after all this time serving on this ship?"

Harry did not like being talked to like a child and he did not appreciate her overbearing nature. Usually he was able to excus the first cause she was raised by the Borg. It was in all the Borg's nature to be arrogant and condescending. There was also disappointment he managed to hide from Seven about her. He often took for granted that her overbearing nature was going to one day go away.

Before he could formulate a response, she chimed in. "Happiness means returning home for everyone. That includes Janeway and Chakotay. I thought you understood that."

Harry was getting frusterated. "It is not that simple. Life is rarerly so black and white as the Borg and you insist."

She gave him a puzzled look. "Life is more complex, and things are not always divided into right and wrong, Seven,"

"Ensign, I think you are mistaken. Situations are either real or not real. Is that what you meant to say?"

It took Harry much to keep from muttering outload that he picked the wrong person to crush on. First it was the wrong twin, and now it was a Borg. What would it be next?

Seven, are you happy on this ship?

Seven gave him amn odd look and asked what he meant.

"I have no need for happiness. To fulfill my potential, I do my best in everything. So we can get home."

Mr. Kim rolled his eyes at her. "But don't you want to have someone to love?

Seven looked him straight in the eyes. "Do you wish to have a romantic time with me or do you wish to engage in physical gratification?"

Harry knew he needed to change the subject. "We have to do something."

Seven had a confused look on her face. "I thought we were in the process of doing something, were we not?"

"I meant about the Captain and Commander." Unable to stand anymore, he turned to leave his quarters.

Seven reached out to stop him, by pullin on his uniform sleeve.

Harry wen to leave, expecting her to leave well enough alone.

But he could hear the sound of his sleeve ripping. "Let me go, Seven"

I cannot let you interfer. It is not our place as I already stated. You could make things worse. They have to work together."

He tried to pull away again. She would not stop. His sleeve ripped a little more. Raising his voice, he demanded again to let free.

This only made a certain ex Borg all the more insistent. "You are not thinking clearly. Your yelling will not make the command team any better. You are acting dangerous and unprofessional."

Harry did not care how much he was crushing on him. He had enough. She, a former drone was calling him dangerous? He stared at her in disbelief. "If I am dangerous, what does that make you?"

She still had not let go of his shredded shirt sleeve. "I have no idea what you are talking about." But he was not going to let her off so free. "The Borg are dangerous, I am not."

She had a hurt look in her eyes. "It was not my choice to be assimilated by the Borg. That comment was unnecesary."

Harry apologised profusely and he turned to leave his place once more. "Are you still going to the Commander's quarters?"

Leave me alone, he said. This time when he turned around, she had grabbed a hold of his sleeve. But she managed to shred that one also.

Harry had more then enough. He yellled at her. She backed up and finally let go of his sleeve. She looked at his red face.

Harry accused her of the command team fighting because of her. She said that she did not have anything to do with the situation between Janeway and and Chakotay.

Harry just laughed and said; "Well maybe not, but you made a heart wrenching situation even worse when you started pursuing Chakotay."

Seven shook her head and said that both were single and that she had her blessing directly from the Captain to date Chakotay.

Harry shook his head, his voice rising again. "You cannot just come on to this ship and get what you want. Maybe as a Borg, you were able to get everything you wanted. You could assimilate whole races and steal any technology the Borg saw fit. But this is NOT the Borg ship, it is Voyager."

With that, he exited his quarters, leaving behind a stunned Seven of Nine.


	4. Chapter 4Vulcan Advice For Harry

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine

Disclaimer: Trek was never mine

Story: Chakotay's Angst :PT 4**The Wisdom of a Vulcan.**

Bina W.

Harry was so upset that he was not watching where he was going and he almost bumped into Tuvok. Tuvok just looked at him with those legendary calm eyes and asked if he was okay.

Harry was over whelmed and did not know what he should be feeling first. Or second or last for that matter. His emotions were all jumbled up. He felt like cringing over the fight with Seven. Guilty for his outburst. For her unwittingly taking the only chance Janway had at happiness in the near future away from her. He felt less then a man for being rejected by Seven. But then he felt small for being so petty and not above getting over his rejection. "Dammit. I am supposed to be a Starfleet Officer." Tuvok raised an eyebrow at him as he took in his non regulation appearance.

"Can I be of some assistance, ensign? Shall I call the doctor?"

Harry shook his head. He tried to open his mouth, but nothing came out. Just like a Vulcan, Tuvok stood still, patient. The ensign tried a few more unsuccessful times to speak, but only squeaks came out.

What seemed like an eternity to H.K. went by, but it was actually under a minute.

Tuvok made the next gesture. "Shall we talk someone more private?"

Harry, by this time had composed himself and nodded his head.

Before Harry could distract Tuvok, the dark security officer walked in the direction of Harry's quarters.

Harry felt a panicky feeling but was a split second too late. Tuvok saw a blonde ex Borg coming out of the ensign's quarters. She did not even have the courtesy to acknowledge Tuvok. She just walked on by. Tuvok stopped and Harry almost ran into him. He was about to say something, but noticed the pleading looking Harry's eyes. Harry gestured for Tuvok to enter his place. As soon as the door closed, Harry set the enviro-control up 10 degrees. Tuvok said it was not necessary. But Harry ignored him.

He gestured for the Vulcan to sit on the small love seat, while he went the replicator to order drinks. He handed Tuvok a cup of steaming coffee. Tuvok took it and raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps you want to talk to the Captain and not me?"

It was only when Harry had taken a tiny sip of the coffee, did he realise what he had ordered. He turned red.

Harry shook his head his response.

"I did not know that Seven of Nine drinks coffee. She must have 'picked that up' as Humans would from the Captain."

Tuvok was rewarded with another shake of the head.

It was a good two minutes before Harry looked at the Chief of Security and began talking. "I do not know what to do?"

The Vulcan stated that he was not quite sure who they were supposed to be talking about.

Harry stood up. "I did not mean to waste your time, Tuvok. Just forget this ever happened."

Tuvok again raised a eyebrow and put down the cup of coffee. "Vulcans rarely forget anything. But if I may be so bold…"

Harry look desperate to flee, but sat back down nodding.

Tuvok said "It may be a cliché' but it more often is true. A happy senior staff can mean a more efficient ship. That does not hold true for Vulcans, but this a mostly Human crew. As chief of security, it is part of my job to see that the ship runs effeciently."

When he was met with silence, he tried another method. "Mutinies often happen when crew members are not happy. Are you planning to stage a mutiny, Ensign?"

Harry could barely contain the disbelief he heard. He stared at Tuvok ands watched the Vulcan pressed his fingers together.

Tuvok calmly stated; "It was a joke."

"But I have never known you to joke."

Tuvok said; When in Rome do as the Romans do. Is that not another quote and Human philosophy?" The Asian nodded.

"Do not tell Mr. Paris this as he does not need his ego stroked any more. But I was trying to diffuse an awkward situation with a joke. Since Humor is a concept I rarely use, my level of success will not be that of Mr. Paris'."

But apparently it had worked, for Harry was now grinning from ear to ear.

Harry went for another sip of coffee before beginning. I, we all want to get home. But no one wants to be alone."

Tuvok nodded and said most beings agree with the latter. As for your first comment, I think I know the crew enough to say that is a understatement."

Harry went to speak, but Tuvok held up his hand.

"I am aware of your attraction to Seven of Nine. Everyone is aware of the attraction between the Commander and Captain. I do not mean to indicate that either situation is less likely to be more important then the other. I am a Vulcan and am pledged to logic. But I have been enough around Humans to know that love does not always get returned. To counter paraphrase a certain half Klingon and pilot, "Love is not a two way street." Even if the love is mutual in the case of the Voyager's command team, it does not make it any less easy. There have been many romances that have worked for Starfleet officers. Then there have been some that got in the way of ship's business." Unsure of what to say, Tuvok waited for Harry to say something,

When it was obvious he was not going to, Tuvok took the initiative. "What can I do to ease your burden ensign?" I cannot change the situation between Seven's lacks of romantic intensions towards you. But maybe I can help you to feel peace? Would some meditation sessions together perhaps help?"

Harry shook his head. "I can and will eventually get over her. I know I cannot have her. But I am worried about Janeway and Chakotay."

Tuvok also acknowledged the tension between the two officers. "They are in a very unique situation. They have burdens to bear that are virtually unheard of for a Captain and a First Officer. They chose to fully embrace these decisions to make getting us home, at the expense of the love, and personal happiness for each other. I believe the expression "It is killing them is appropriate."

Harry was not able to hide the shock on his face at depth of Tuvok's insights.

Tuvok looked Harry in his eyes as made a very un Vulcan sigh. "Just because I am Vulcan does not mean I am not able to comprehend love. Most Vulcans would not admit that such an emotion exists. In addition to that, one would typically not say love can bring strength."

Harry nodded, understanding. "I know you are married, I have not forgotten."

Tuvok went on. 'The relationship between Torres and Paris has aided them in being more efficient officers. They often did more then a satisfactory job before, but now it has been an asset to the crew. I think you would agree?"

Harry nodded again.

"But Janeway and Chakotay have to work things out between the two of them. They are two of the strongest people I know. They will work it out."

Harry agreed but said he wished that that home and their happiness were not opposites." Tuvok said that the two situations were NOT illogical but that they have to see that for themselves."

The Asian reminded Tuvok that it took Blanna almost dying as well as Paris, before she would admit her feelings."

Tuvok agreed. "But what we need is a plan. For it will greatly endanger our mission to replicate the same situation, but for them. Maybe all they need is what your people would call is a pUSH."

"What do you mean; Harry asked.

Tuvok stood up and thanked him for the coffee; a she drained the cup in one gesture. "I do not have a plan right now, but I will meditate on it." This will take some time and much delicate words. It cannot be rushed. "With that, he exited the ensign's quarters.


	5. Chapter 5

﻿ Disclaimer: I do not own Trek.

Story by Bina W.

Called **Do IHave the Courage?**

Part 5 of Chakotay's Angst. Tuvok had just completed his battle simulation with his security department. He was rounding the corner as Chakotay came. The Native American Indian ran right into him.

"Sorry, Tuvok."

Tuvok arched an eyebrow at him. "Commander, you are the third person to bump into me today."

Chakotay feigned interest and stared to ask who the first two were. But he shook his head and made to navigate around the dark Vulcan. It was not until he was about to enter his quarters did he notice he was being followed. Before he had a chance to activate the security lock, Tuvok smoothly slipped inside.

Remembering his manners, he gestured the chief of security to sit on the low, auburn couch, the same color as the Captain's hair. He offered him something to drink, but Tuvok shook his head. Chakotay shocked out of his foul mood for a minute. He knew enough about Vulcan customs to know that they considered it an insult to have guest refuse refreshment. He had never known Tuvok to be impolite. There must be something pressing on the Vulcan's mind. He sat next to the Vulcan.

'How did the security simulations on the holodeck go?"

Tuvok looked him in the eyes. They were satisfactory."

He waited for more of an explication, but one never got one.

"I have no negative news to report." The crew is running at above optimal satisfactory levels."

Chakotay could not help but chuckle at Tuvok's statement. He resisted the urge to slap the Vulcan on the back. Everyone knew not to touch Vulcans, as they were touch telepaths.

"Thanks Commander, I needed to laugh. It has been a while."

The Vulcan put his fingers together.

'That was not meant to be a joke. But it is true laughter is important and considered healthy for Humans. But I confess that I had assumed that I would be the last person, for you to find comical on this ship."

Chakotay smiled. "So who would be the first?" As soon as he said it, he regretted it.

Tuvok just calmly looked at him. But his look spoke volumes. Chakotay suddenly stood up and mumbled something about needing to talk to Blanna in engineering. He barely registered his friend telling him that he could not avoid the Captain indefinitely.

With a nod in Tuvok's direction, he exited the quarters. Only once he was in the hallway did he make any semblance of being professional and slow his pace.

On the way to Janeway's quarters, he told himself that she could not afford to kill him. After all he reasoned, she and the crew needed him to get home. He did not even bother to knock as he quickly entered her residence. By this time, there was no trace of the brownies or shattered glass outside or inside her place. She was standing at her desk, with her back to him. She whirled around, but he did not let her react. With just a few strides, he reached and pulled her to him. She did not have the time to react or pull away. He decisively planted a kiss right smack on her lips. He looked at her for a split second before exiting her quarters. He registered shock on her face. He had turned his back to her and therefore did not see her touch her left index finger to her lips. He heard her calling him as he quickly exited her residence.

He remembered to slow his pace on he left her place. He still had little less then 2 minutes before he was due on the bridge. He made it to the bridge, with 20 seconds to spare. Kim, Blanna, Paris and Kess were on the bridge when he entered. He was in the process of relieving Paris, when the doors to the bridge opened. Janeway was about a foot away from him and had opened her mouth to speak. She never got the chance. He planted another kiss on her lips. Kes went over to Harry and started asking about some of the lights on the navigation console. It took all of Paris' control not to smile openly. But his wife and his exchanged split second smug looks. They then did their best to be look busy with their stations. The others on the bridge all saw but pretended to be busy doing diagnostics on their stations. Janeway quickly looked at the others on the bridge and then gestured for Paris to sit in the Captain's chair. She turned back to her first officer. She said; my ready room, now. Her face was devoid all emotion. They exited the bridge.


	6. Chapter 6 Tuvok's Insurrection

Disclaimer: I do not own Trek.

Bina W.

Part 6 in a series called Chakotay's Angst: **Tuvok's INsurrection**

Janeway waited till both Chakotay and her were in the Ready Room and the door was closed. She would not even look at him.

She tapped her badge to summon Tuvok.

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak. But she held up a hand. "It would be best for you if you did not say anything.

He ignored her and whimpered her name. "Katherine…'

She shook her head. "I am weary of reminding you that it is Captain to you." We are on a Starfleet ship, not a Maquis ship. I wish you would remember that." She looked him in the eyes as she said it, not missing a heartbeat.

He froze. "Why are you doing this?"

'It is clear you do not know how to follow the chain of command. Even on something as simple as being professional. Shall I put escort you to the brig myself?"

He shook his head. He also hung his head.

Janeway was too angry at him to notice the momentary butterflies in her stomach.

She looked straight into his eyes. "I cannot work with you. I need a professional and reliable first officer. There are so many dangers as well as wonders out here. I cannot get us home with a first officer who does not obey the chain of command. You have broken your word to me that you made years ago. You agreed that the paramount goal was to get us home. I am disappointed."

At this point he did not care that he was about to get relieved of command. He was mad and had made so many sacrifices. How had stood by her side for years. YEARS! This was how she repaid him? He could not at first even fathom what she saw in Seven of Nine. But he stood by her side. This was more then he could keep to himself. However, before he could formulate a response, Tuvok strode into the ready room. The command team was so distraught that they failed to notice him not asking for permission to enter. Tuvok, of course was not very interested in protocol, at least not now.

Janeway explained in detail the situation with the kisses. Tuvok and Chakotay looked at each other then turned back to Janeway.

She turned to Tuvok. "Tuvok, I have to have…no I demand a competent first officer. I am doing my best to get us home. But I cannot do it alone. It requires a professional number one. That means a Starfleet officer who obeys the chain of command. He broke his promise to me. I need you as head of security."

She looked to Tuvok and then to Chakotay. "Commander Chakotay, you are hereby relieved of command, for continuous failure to obey the chain of command and insubordination."

She did not even bother to wait to see the expression on her former first officer's face. The Captain turned back to the dark Vulcan. "You are my acting first officer and security chief. I want a list of potential candidates on my desk by tomorrow's first shift. Is that clear"

'I cannot do that." She was stunned at the Vulcan's reply. He exited the ready room. The former first officer and the Captain looked at each other in disbelief.

As soon as the Vulcan was out the ready room, he tapped his comm. Badge and hailed the doctor.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." When he got no response, he inquired what he could do for the Vulcan.

"The emergency is a set of broken hearts, doctor." The hologram was surprised to hear this from a Vulcan. He however was not surprised that the news was delivered without any emotion. He had a pretty good idea of who and why. But he did not know where.

"Tuvok, do you wish me to override Janeway's decision to relieve Chakotay of command?"

The doctor of course could not see it, but the Vulcan shook his head. "I want you to force them to talk this out." It had already affected over half the senior crew. This will impede us from getting home."

There was a slight pause. "I will do my best. But you should know I am a doctor, not a arbitrator."

Tuvok said nothing for he realized the doctor was inserting his own personality.

Less then 2 minutes later, the doctor appeared in the ready room. "As CMO, I am ordering the two of you to have a heart to heart discussion. Tuvok has informed me that the situation has already divided the rest of the senior staff, except for Tuvok."

Janeway went to open her mouth to object, but the doctor would not allow the opening. HE looked at Chakotay and then back to Janeway. "A CMO, I am overriding your decision of removing him as first officer. If you do not accompany the Indian to your quarters, I will relieve you of command."

Janeway's eyes flashed. The doctor was not intimidated. "Shall I summon for Tuvok and put him in charge? Would you like a view of the brig instead of the stars?"

"Janeway was clearly enraged, but she had no choice but to obey.

With that, the command team left for her quarters.


	7. Chapter 7 Ouch! JanwayChakotay

Disclaimer "Trek is not mine

Disclaimer "Trek is not mine.

**Ouch, Many Times Over! (A Chakotay's Angst story) **

Author: Bina W.

Janeway turned back to Chakotay. The look in the usually gentle Indian's eyes sliced through her heart.

"We have to talk."

I do not want to talk." Can you not recall the pieces of brownies and the shattered plate that littered outside your door? Or do I need to slap way some more brownies out of your hand before you get it through your thick skull? The Indian rolled his eyes.

"You are not allowed to talk to me in that tone ever! Janeway did not mean to shout, but she did not care at the moment.

"I cannot do this without you." He saw the pleading as well as the pain in her eyes.

He managed to stifle a cringe as he wondered how he could ever talk so cruelly to the girl who had captured his heart. "It is so hard."

She could hear the heart wrenching tone in his voice and it took all her will not to come to him.

"Don't you care about me? She forced herself to turn away, so she did not have to face him."

When she was sure she had control, she turned back and looked at him.

"No, Chakotay, I am afraid I do not." She looked him straight in the eyes. She surprised herself by not clinching her hands into her fists at her side.

"I don't believe you." It came out as a whisper.

"I did not hear you." Her heart kept breaking.

"I don't believe you! Liar! So were you lying then or now?"

"I did, but that was a very long time ago." If you call me a liar one more time, you will be doing some time in the brig. Is that understood Commander?"

HE heard her tone and her pain but he did not care. "Right now I really dislike you. I am so disappointed in you, Katherine." With that, he almost had it to the door, but she blocked him.

She had a look of disbelief on her face. "Lets set the story the story straight shall we? She laughed, but it was bitter with no humor. You had relations with her! She is like a daughter to me. Of all the people. Even Kes would have been amore logical and gentle choice. You hated Seven. What happened?"

"I am so tired. He rubbed his tattoo. Like you said, you have to have my help to get us home. Can we just drop it?"

But the Captain was having nothing of that. This is not up for negotiation. I want an answer."

He had had more then enough. She knew she had pushed him too far, but this had to be resolved now. She needed all of him to help bring them home.

"I waited years, years for your love. He was finally able to talk in a normal tone. "When you just said you did not love me anymore, anything I felt died." I do not want to be alone. You kept saying we can do anything if we work together. I thought that meant our love could stand anything.

At the same time, they briefly held hands. But she was quick to let go. Anger at being rejected again came into his eyes. "This is why I am dating Seven. She is willing to give all of herself and unconditionally to me."

Janeway hung her head in shame. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes. "You know I can't. Not till we get home."

Chakotay response hurt her totally. "I do not know when that will be and I cannot wait forever for a family."

Janeway's belief that she had been betrayed was complete. "You are going to have kids by her?" She totally squeaked each word.

"Are you so selfish that you would wish to deny me being happy and having kids?" I know we are thousands of light years from Federation space. His anger was palpable. She stepped back a space at his intensity.

"Do you think so little of me Katherine?" He ran one hand through her hair. He let his hand brush the side of her face for an instant. She closed her eyes. Don't you want me to be happy? You won't let me make you happy, but I am not going to join your exile in being alone." The last he said sarcastically.

When he went to stroke her face again, she slapped his hand away. "Dating again is one thing but having another's kids was not part of the plan."

But he was ready with a retort. "Getting stranded here in the Delta Quadrant was not part of the plan. If you do not even want me to have kids, then you are right. Your love for me is gone."

"Janeway reminded that they were under orders to reach agreement. Chakotay stopped but only for a moment and did not turn around. "

Since there is nothing between us anymore, or any chance, I would say that this has been resolved."

With that, he walked away and did not look back.


	8. Chapter 8 Tuvok Leads A Conspiracy

I do not own Trek

I do not own Trek.

Author: Bina W.

Chakotay's Angst

**Notes**: Takes Place in Sickbay.

The doctor, Paris, Neelix and Tuvok were the members of the conspiracy.

Tuvok waited till everyone was present, before engaging the security look in Sickbay.

As soon as everyone sat down Tom volunteered; "I do not see what the Commander ever saw in the Borg."

Neelix's response was to stick out his tongue at Lt. Tom Paris.

The EMH Doctor just rolled his eyes at both crew members level of immaturity.

"We need to get them to talk." Everyone could hear the frustration in Neelix's voice.

Tuvok shook his head. 'I have already tried that." He looked in the direction of the doctor.

The hologram doctor gave a summary of what happened in the ready room. "Janeway relieved Chakotay of command in front of Tuvok. I then threatened to relieve her of command."

The look on Neelix's face was memorable. The Talaxian was staring in perfect stillness at the doctor. He looked quite the statue. After a few moments, he composed himself. "What exactly did you say to her?"

The doc got a smug look in his eyes. "I asked if she would prefer the view of the white walls of the brig."

Neelix got up to say something then immediately sat back down. Tom just snickered at Neelix.

Again, the doctor rolled his eyes at Tom's immaturity.

Tuvok looked Tom straight in the eyes. "Do you find this so amusing?"

Tom shook his head and apologized.

Neelix stood on his chair and declared; "As chief morale officer, I must make sure that everyone is happy. That means the command team."

Tuvok nodded at him. "As security head, I am responsible for the efficiency of this ship."

The doc asked if Tuvok had a plan. Tuvok nodded as he looked his associates.

"I think we should make use of the holodeck."

Neelix looked intrigued as he sat back down on his chair. "Mr. Vulcan, do you have a specific program in mind?"

Tuvok shook his head no.

Inspired, Neelix shouted; "I think we should run the New Earth holoprogram on the bridge. Make it so whenever either one steps foot on the bridge, the program automatically engages."

Tuvok said; "That would be an invasion of privacy."

Neelix looked dejected and slumped back into his chair.

He looked miserable as he looked at Tuvok. "You are right. If any of you were responsible, then make some brig time might happen. But I am not a member of the crew. What happens? Who will be the cook? What about the chief morale officer position also?"

Tom loudly stated; "I nominate Tuvok for the back up chief of morale position!"

The doctor did not even dignify Tom with any looks.

But he held up his hologram arm to Tom.

"Neelix might be onto something. Maybe we should implement the New Earth settings in their quarters, the holodeck and the stellar cartography lab.

There was a pregnant pause. Tuvok looked at the doctor. "I will need your assistance."

Gaining sudden insight, Neelix shouted; "Doc, your codes as chief doc override even the captain's!"

The hologram exchanged a smug look with Tom.


	9. Chapter 9End 4 Love of the Stars

Disclaimer: I do not own Trek.

Bina W.

**The Next in Chakotay's Angst series. **

**This is the Final Chapter.**

**Can't I Have The Stars As Well As Love?**

Janeway frowned as she entered the bridge? Why was there a different navigator at Tom's usual place? She smiled at the young raven haired ensign in what she thought of as Tom's place.

"She touched her badge; "Janeway to Tom." "Why is Ensign Dwyer covering your shift?'

"I am in sickbay about to have a physical."

"Tom, cannot this wait?"

The doctor chimed in. "Paris is not feeling well. He made the unfortunate decision to test some of his wife's replicated Klingon food. I regret to also inform you that he also lost another betting pool. Since I have no need for replicator reserve rations, I thought why not give him his physical early?"

The twinkle in Janeway's eyes was apparent as she looked at Blanna on the bridge. The half Klingon just winked at her went back to her work.

"Understood." The Captain had to resist the urge to laugh herself silly.

As soon as the coast was clear, Tom advanced on the doctor. "Klingon food, Doc?"

"What did you expect? I am a doctor, not a thespian." With that, he shooed the blonde man out his sickbay.

Chakotay was just coming off shift and he was so drained from Katherine's repeated rejections that he at first did not notice the change of scenery to his quarters. It was a realistic replication of New Earth. In addition, all his furniture was missing. When he did notice he cursed Tom's name out load. He thought to himself that he was not interested in practical jokes.

"Chakotay to Paris; what is your location?"

The Doctor did not give Paris a chance to respond. H e grabbed the navigator's comm. Badge, and crankily replied; He is getting his physical and psyche evaluation. Is it important?"

A moment of silence when by, before Chakotay shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

He thought out loud; Now, she is the one who is going to be in trouble.

He tapped his comm. Badge, as

"Katherine to Chakotay. I need to talk to you when you have a minute."

She replied; what can I for you Commander?"

"I need to talk to you. It cannot wait."

She sighed as she gestured Blanna towards the captain's chair. "I will be in my ready room." A good five minutes passed by, no Chakotay.

When she arrived at Chakotay's quarters, she did not bother to announce her presence, she just waked in. She was greeted with the scene from New Earth scene identical to what was in his quarters and she stopped dead in her tracks. "What is the meaning of this? I thought we were over this. I have a ship to run."

She could not resist looking around his quarters. It was just as she remembered their special 6 months together. As she whirled around to leave, he grabbed her shirt sleeve, ripping it in the process. She looked at him and her eyes flashed.

"I do now have time for this. I am due on the bridge but thanks to you, now I have to go and replicate a new uniform."

Chakotay tried to delete the program, but he was told he did not have the authorization. He asked who had the authorization, sarcastically. But the computer said that the information was classified. He sunk down on his bed, in a slump.

Janeway entered her quarters and softly cursed. She noticed that all her Starfleet standard issued furniture also was gone. Her residence also was a replication of New Earth, bedroom, bathroom, complete with the tub he had welded for her.

She held her hands in her head. She summoned Chakotay to quarters. He did not bother to knock but just strolled in as if it was his quarters, and not his. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He looked around her quarters. She watched him swallow hard.

"I can assume that you also had nothing to do with this?"

He nodded in the affirmative. She also tried to get the computer to erase the holodeck program. The computer stated that there was no holodeck program in place. She whirled around and gaped at Chakotay.

"You said you had nothing to do with this." She very slowly reached out to touch the bed made out of wood that he had carved for her. She then reached out with a non steady index finger and touched the tub he had welded for her. Chakotay just watched her, memorized and failed to notice he was holding his breath. She reached out to touch the desk, to see if it felt like the one he carved out of wood. At the same instant her left pinky finger made contact with the desk, her knees startled to buckle. Chakotay noticed and made it in time to catch her.

'You kept the original furniture?"

He did not trust himself to keep a steady voice, so he shook his head.

"This appears to be my exact pieces of furniture I welded and carved for you. I do not know who is responsible for this. I had the items stored in the doctor's quarters. There was no reason for you to go."

She smiled at his creativity.

"I think it does not matter does it. It is meant as a gift. Surely you can see that?"

She looked him in the eyes, and heard the tenderness in his voice. She started to cry.

"I am so sorry. I forgot what this place meant to us. She tried to say something else, but choked on her own emotions.

He responded by not letting her go and stroked her hair.

"I can carve you another bed, desk and bathtub if you want. But as long as we have each other, material item are irrelevant."

She responded by passionately kissing him.

THE END


End file.
